DadisthenewMom and TheSpouse review the holiday movies and shows our daughter forces us to repeatedly suffer through.
We saw It’s Christmas, Snoopy on Ice! or whatever the title was. Frankly I can’t remember the exact title as I was too busying mouthing the phrase “WTF” to TheSpouse over its excessively loud holiday soundtrack (we’ll get to the music in due course). So this yuletide treat isn’t exactly a movie or show in the strictest sense, but our daughter did make us watch it, and it was unbearable.
We took a trip to Knott’s Berry Farm during our holiday family time to ride some rides and soak up the warm December day. That’s right, warm. At first I thought a sweaty Christmas would feel odd and lack the usual festiveness, making for an un-jolly time. Not the case. It’s a blast. Smell you later, Midwest Winter, smell you later forever.
One problem with this particular amusement park is that the mascot is the entire Peanuts Gang. Aarrr, I hate those guys so much… Thankfully the park itself isn’t crawling with those performers in fork-lift sized foam costumes Peanuts Gang-ing up on parkgoers. So even if you hate them (I do! So much!) it IS possible to ride and be amused all day while seeing only the occasional picture or statue of those bulb heads. There were a couple of fun rides, we met some nice kids, The Child saw and decided to become a blacksmith – all in all a pretty decent time. But then she got tired and wanted to sit through a show.
Knott’s Berry Farm offers two entertainment choices during the Dec-Jan season: It’s Christmas Charlie Brown Stage Show, and It’s Christmas Snoopy on Ice. Good Grief. For The Child and me this was our first foray into the world of ice-based theatrics. Hopefully it will be my last. I’ll give you a brief synopsis of this train wreck instead of a critique as that would be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. No, easier than that. It would be like standing next to a barrel.
As the theatre fills with super excited park folk ,the staff is selling those annoying light up things. You know those things? They light up and they’re annoying? Well they’re for sale! After a while the lights dim (or at least I assume they did, it was hard to tell with all those light up things…) and Charlie Brown and Linus Van Pelt come out to say the following:
- “Is this anyone’s first ice show? (CROWD CHEERS) Haha, of course it isn’t.”
- “Please make note of the exits as the nearest one might be behind you.” (CROWD CHEERS)
- “No flash photography.” (CROWD WAVES ANNOYING LIGHT WANDS MANIACALLY)
- “Due to musical copyright law, video taping is strictly prohibited.”(CROWD CHEERS)
After they waddle off the ice stage a group of mediocre ice dancers and one semi-pro ice master do ice dancey stuff to Christmas music. Occasionally a guy in a Snoopy costume will slowly (I assume blindly) glide across the stage while the performers who can see what is going on skate to avoid him. A well-loved and oft-repeated flourish of these icerinas involved comically miming the sweat from their brows after each phrase. TheSpouse and I weren’t sure if this move was supposed to signify “Come on all y’all, show me some light wands!” or more like “Thank gawd all y’alls sea of light wands didn’t send me sprawling into the first row.” The fairly competent ice jumper, whose name I believe was Santino Flamboyante, did all the big tricks – the spin, the jump spin, the double jump spin jump axel spin. These were fairly impressive feats considering the rink was the size of a highschool drama stage.
During the set changes between songs those foam costume freaks got the spotlight and recited something Christmasy. At one point, Linus does his monologue on shepherds being afraid, but really gets behind the words “god” and “lord almighty.” I mean he REALLY digs into them. Each time he does so he receives a moderately offensive STANDING OVATION. That’s two superlative audience reactions in the space of about 45 seconds.
30 live and confused doves are then released during the finale.