12 Reviews of Christmas – A Charlie Brown Christmas

DadisthenewMom and TheSpouse review the holiday movies and shows our daughter forces us to repeatedly suffer through.

“It’s a holiday merged into an existing pagan feast thanks to Emperor Constantine, Charlie Brown!”

Caveat: Bah Humbug, I admit. But A Charlie Brown Christmas is the consummate cautionary tale against acting kindly during the holidays. His attempts to spread happiness and goodwill amongst his fellow melon-headed chums nets him abuse, insult, abandonment and ultimately a biblical verse regarding frightened shepherds. Look at the cover. He’s about to cry right on the cover of the damned thing!

I hate this cartoon.

Firstly, I hate Charlie Brown. Everything about the comic and cartoon is infuriating. I can sum up the entirety of Mr. Schultz’ work in this concise statement: “Nice Guys Finish Last, Praise The Lord.” See what I did there? Snuck in a little lord-praising at the end to make the first part seem a little less horrible. If you’re into god then by all means praise away, but what really bothers me is using it as a get out of jail free card for an absence of narrative structure or substance. It’s no deus ex machina Mr. Schultz – Whoa! See what I did there? I’m so clever…

I’ve heard a lot of people lately talking about how they love this cartoon. LOVE IT! Why, you ask? The lessons it teaches kids they respond. What lessons? All in all, Chuck B. suffers some pretty outrageous slings/arrows while endeavoring to be a decent bloke. Is this a lesson on turning the other cheek? Well, this pink-cheeked and red-assed (he’s run out of cheeks) little bald freak makes it through the holiday gauntlet and for his labor receives Luke 2: 8-14 (imho, the dullest biblical quote on the market). Then they all sing around the tree. What lesson did we learn here today kids? Be horrible and have a party or be a wimp and cry in the snow – both end in caroling.

It’s been established that The Child saw through this boring shit storm fully a year ago. That alone earns her a pony.

Cons: Is a Charlie Brown thing
Pros: Music by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Rating: Zero Anything out of Any Number Of Those Things


About dadisthenewmom

A Level 3 Stay-At-Home-Dad (Chaotic). Master Kid-smith, Animator, Carpenter, Musician, Swordsman and Philanthropist. His physique is to be admired, his values are to be adopted, his bold vision will come to pass, his stride is crab-like. He is aware the last one isn’t overly favorable. Such is DadisthenewMom.
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