Stern Talking To – The Midwest Weather

DadisthenewMom gives a Stern Talking To: The Midwest’s Weather

That is it, get over here! Now. NOW!

Just look at this mess you’ve made! Mud everywhere, the basement is soaking wet and the garden is dying, it’s dying! Is that what you want? A dead garden? Well, that’s what you’re going to get if you keep this up. What am I supposed to say when people visit? We can’t have friends over because of how you’re acting. I’m done making excuses, and don’t you give me that look!

Yes, I’m very mad. You are my environment and I am your inhabitant and we are in this together so you are going to listen for once. You were damn near 80 degrees two days ago and now the ground is frozen; frozen and wet somehow. Look, you’ve already had a good cold horrible winter and I just know you’re going to have a blistering hot summer. All I’m asking is that you show a little control for a few days and try to be spring for a week, just try, hey, no, NO! Don’t you rain on me like that! No you weren’t, you were not trying. Hey, you get back here, Weather, RIGHT NOW!

That’s better. Listen, I don’t want to yell at you like this, I really don’t, but I have to do something to get you to act more hospitable. For month’s I’ve been cocooned in either wool and gortex or shrink wrapped in sweat soaked jeans and t-shirts. My skin needs a breather; this house needs a breather. The Child is sick and I can’t open a window. It smells like a cross between a wet tent and a butter churn full of socks in here, damn it!

You need to sort this shit out, Weather, sort it out right now. Either you find some spring in you or I’m going to start choking you by burning tires round the clock. Tough but fair.


About dadisthenewmom

A Level 3 Stay-At-Home-Dad (Chaotic). Master Kid-smith, Animator, Carpenter, Musician, Swordsman and Philanthropist. His physique is to be admired, his values are to be adopted, his bold vision will come to pass, his stride is crab-like. He is aware the last one isn’t overly favorable. Such is DadisthenewMom.
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One Response to Stern Talking To – The Midwest Weather

  1. Kate says:

    It didn’t work. 😦

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